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FEISTY.
Nov. 26th, 2009
11:53 pm
You bring my hopes high, like so damn fucking high, and only to tear apart all over again. What an asshole, seriously.
Nov. 25th, 2009
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tiredNov. 24th, 2009
12:46 am
Nobody likes talking to a depressed, dependent and insecure bitch. Everyone loves the fun, outgoing, wild and spontaneous social butterfly. It's so sad, isn't it, that during one's lowest point in life, everyone just turn their backs away and busy themselves with other not so important or moral things. How do you live with it?
Nov. 21st, 2009
10:50 pm
Virginia Woolf to Leonard Woolf, 28 March 1941:
"I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I can't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V."
10:48 pm
When we collide we come together
If we don’t we’ll always be apart
I’ll take a bruise, I know you’re worth it.
Nov. 19th, 2009
12:26 am - CHEW ON THIS
( i'd rather be anything but ordinary, please. )
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pensiveNov. 17th, 2009
12:13 am
An eye for an eye,
and the whole world will be blind.
I'm not that sort of person, but I do want my money back,
even though it isn't much.
12:02 am - bleak, much?
( But I say give me regret as long as I can keep the good memories too. )
Nov. 15th, 2009
02:49 am - Do aliens exist? Just wondering...
Today,
two members of my family died. So there're only 6 of us left, including my grandparents. But no, I'm not sad. I actually think they deserve it.
For the past 17 years, our relationship has been a love-hate one. But today, it was clear how it was going to end. It may be true that I forgive, but don't forget. However, it so does not mean that I bear grudges. That's where I think you're wrong and I, should be saying it back to you. Why is it that always that such things happen, you'll say, "I don't know how you two ended up being like that. Whoever that person was, I don't think you should let it affect how you are now."
Bullshit, I say.
Who's the one bearing grudges now? FYI, I know who you are refering to. It is quite obvious, isn't it? The way you used to always gossip about her/them and attempted to brainwash us into hating our own relatives. You say I bear grudges, why don't you take a look at yourself first?
For german promos recently, I wrote an essay on "Friends or Family - which is more important to you?". Going against the stereotypical Asian mindset, I chose friends. Not only because I knew everyone else who did this question would say family, but rather that is how I truly feel. Mind you, I scored a friggin' 34/40 for it, which is the highest in eons for me.
I'm not going to type out the whole essay here. It's kind of personal and it comprised of entirely facts. For the record, as much as you would like to oppose to it, I did try my fucking hardest to be a good daughter and sister. Maybe things don't always come out the right way for me, since I tend to express my emotions in ways swaying from the norm. I am tired, so sick of everything. The me from a day ago would have been able to put up with all these, but not anymore. This time I am really giving up. I'll just sit back, twirl my hair and let everything pass me by. If you don't get in my way then fine. Otherwise don't expect to emerge victorious, at all. In a few more years' time, I'll be out of this screwed up place. Then it would be time for me to prove that I can so much better than you.
In retrospect, I've always hated you. It was just the extent of it.
Maybe this is why I've always been pushing flyingsaucer so hard; so hard that at one point it was getting too much for both of us. I've tried so badly to fix things that when it takes a wrong turn, I snap. We snap. It wasn't your fault, neither was it mine. I don't know how and why it happened, but it just did. I am sorry I wasn't strong enough to pull through those few moments. Should it never have happened, things wouldn't be the way they are now. But I know, and you know too, that at the end of the day, all that matter is not what could have or should have been, but rather, it is what will be. And I have faith.
I think I am no different from everyone else in a sense that all I ever wanted was to feel loved and accepted. On the contrary, I ask for material things, warm touch and a shoulder massage now. I have learned, the hard way, that it is always better to seek solace in definite objects than indefinite things. Dealing with emotions is probably my biggest vice. I have tried various ways - almost all I would like to believe. Except maybe... nah, that was never on my "To try before I die" list.
I have almost mastered the art of hiding them though.
Why all the sadness and hatred now, you may ask, at a time when everyone else is happily enjoying their post promos post pw pre holiday life? To be honest, it was always there. But everyone's just too caught up doing their own things and they overlooked the fact that underneath this insane, smiley girl's face actually tells a completely different story. 2009's probably the year I cried the most, experienced the worst of emotions and experimented with the nastiest things. To put it bluntly,
determinedNov. 14th, 2009
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